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Last night I had a conversation with a complete stranger about relationships The topic of discussion startled me and the nature of the conversation had me thinking a lot about the plague of loneliness and how it has infected society on such a large-scale. I used to think that it was only the twenty something’s advancing towards thirty who were scared of the dealing the lonely card, but apparently the fear only heightens after thirty and leaves you crippled once you begin to see life ascending before your eyes without someone by your side.
This 42 year-old man began to talk to me about his on again off again five-year relationship. After hearing this I was quite perplexed to see where this conversation would go because I was already turned off at hearing that people within in this age bracket still can’t figure out what they want for themselves.
He kept pulling the “women are crazy” card and was tossing blame left and right on females and why he can’t be bothered. I unfortunately couldn’t be bothered hearing this craziness any longer and asked him simply why hasn’t he moved on if this relationship is causing him all the headaches he claims to have.
“Well nobody want to be alone, I’m not trying to be lonely” he responded. Those words coming out of his mouth made me cringe. I assumed there was some kind of internal conflict taking place which kept him in this holding cell of a relationship but I didn’t expect to hear this grown man tell me he was afraid of being alone.
After hearing what he said I realized his feelings are actually common. Who’s not struggling with the idea of being alone, especially when you’ve passed the thirty-something age bracket and you’ve never been married. I get it, I once went through it and going through it is actually how I learned to get over it.
Here’s the problem with loneliness, the more that you are afraid of being alone the more alone you will become. When people are afraid to be alone they begin to fill their void with temporary constants, which usually take the form of relationships, that includes superficial friendships and intimate ones.The feeling that you lack will cause you to have high expectations for someone else to fill them because you can’t do it on your own. When you tell yourself you are afraid of being alone you are simply saying that you can’t even handle your own presence, something is so wrong with you that you can’t even bear to comfort your own self.
If you can’t fathom the thought of being with yourself, why would someone want to fathom the thought of having to spend their days, time and share their emotions with you. It is not the responsibility of another individual to fill your void, to make you whole because you are feeling incomplete, to give you what you need because you can’t understand your worth.
Most of time the need to be fulfilled by another often shows a lack of self-love. When you love someone you would sacrifice and do anything to spend every moment and waking hour with that person, so why aren’t people just as eager when it comes to spending time with themselves? Loneliness is just a set up to continue to set you back. If you can’t stand your own company how can anyone else?
I dare you to do yourself a favor. Take yourself to that restaurant you always wanted to go to by yourself, go alone to see that new movie you’re so eager to see. Take that walk in the park alone and clear your mind. Go to that networking event and watch how much you accomplish with no one to distract you. Just simply dare yourself to learn how to love being with yourself.