Ever since I passed the age of twenty-one, every person I come in contact with whether it be a family member, a High School friend or any random person I meet, I always get asked the question “So do you have a boyfriend?” The answer is no, it’s just that simple. At least to me it is, but for some odd reason when I expose my age and the amount of years I have not been in a relationship, that’s when all the question marks begin to float around, the eyebrow raises and the slight twist in the upper lip says it all.
As soon as I mention that I’ve been single for over two years it’s almost as if people have received news that the apocalypse is about to take its toll on humanity. I just don’t seem to get. I am always intrigued in why people even feel that it’s necessary to ask me that, let alone why it’s necessary that I even be dating. I of course, get the casual response like” well you’re a pretty girl, I figured you’d be dating” or “you have so much going on for you, figured you were in a relationship too”. Then, I of course, here the ridiculous ones like “well aren’t you ready to be married and have children? And then you have the inadvertently offensive remarks like “what’s wrong with you, you must be too picky”.
Why is that a woman’s relationship status is ultimately the thing that defines her? You could be running for mayor and your love life will outshine your accomplishments. It’s as if in order for us to achieve higher standards we have to have a man by our side. What’s even more unfortunate is when you have women my age who are content and complacent with their lives, successful, motivated and have an abundance of achievements we are looked at as overbearing with high expectations. We’re known as the ones who scare men away and dominate the relationship.
Really? Is it really that easy to scare a man away? If a woman, who knows how to hold her own, is independent, educated, determined, and wise and truly loves herself, is a woman who is viewed as intimidating and unnerving, then it looks to me that the reason why women like me are still single is because these men need to find their backbone.
Every time I get hit with the question of why I’m still single, it’s as if people are implying something is wrong with me. “Don’t you want to cuddle with someone, or have someone take you out and wine and dine you? Don’t you want to feel loved by someone other than yourself, aren’t you lonely?” Remarks like this are the reasons why I always have to repent from the not-so-nice words that I just finished saying about the idiotic fool who asked me such a thing.
I don’t need a man to feed me, clothe me or make me feel good in my own skin; I have myself to do that. It seems to me that I shouldn’t be the one being asked 21 questions on why I haven’t found a man, maybe someone needs to be asking most of these weak men why are they so easily afraid of dating a woman who is strong enough to have her own mind and the only person influencing her thoughts is God himself.
It’s so easy for a man to hustle up a few dollars, treat a girl to a happy meal and crawl into her vagina for three minutes and come out thinking that he’s the King of the world because he’s so busy hitting and quitting a bunch of Jezebel’s that walk the earth. That does not make you a man, and it damn sure does not make you a King. It makes you docile and foolish, easily manipulated by your lust and desires. A man who preys after a woman because of her backside and her body is a man who is a slave to temptation and his lust will be his downfall.
The last thing I need in my life is a man who is concerned about satisfying the lust of his flesh. I also don’t need a man in my life that doesn’t have a mind of his own. If a man allows the things of the world to satisfy his soul, then I can understand how a man can be afraid of a woman who only allows God’s voice to whisper in her ear. Are decent men really becoming harder to find? How can I be looking forward to getting married and having children when most of these men don’t even understand the meaning behind their ribcage.
Instead of people worrying about whether I have a man or not, they should be worried that I’m about to accomplish way more in my life as a single woman than most of those who decided to settle for a hug and a good piece of steak.
Why am I still single? Because I am looking for a God-fearing man who understands his purpose and what he’s been called to do in life. I want a man who is full of wisdom and discernment. I am looking for a man who understands the importance and the power of his mind, a realm filled with intellectual power, thoughts, desires that can fuel creativity and is the fundamental thing that makes him unique. I am looking for a man who is hell-bent and zealously inclined to purse his passion in life. I am looking for a man who loves himself, and doesn’t need the praises and compliments of the world to understand that he is fearfully and wonderfully made, rare, and exquisite. I am looking for a man who is spontaneous and can show me parts of me that I never even knew existed.
I refuse to settle for a mediocre man and spend the rest of my days in a mediocre relationship. Ain’t nobody got time for that! Now go ahead and ask me one more time why am I still single…