We’re only a few days away from the dreadful Valentine’s Day and I can already foresee myself hibernating for the whole 24 hours. Why does this day even exist! This is not a question, this is me standing in the middle of the street with my head tilted back, face towards God as if I am the only living being on the planet and screaming “why have you forsaken me”!
After having to pretend to enjoy phony Christmas gifts and Holiday cheer we’re stuck with Valentine’s Day before we get to kick off the spring and summer fun. I guarantee this will be the week where all the married women will blog about how special and wonderful their husbands are, while married men will go out on a limb and sacrifice sports to take their wives out on a hot date so that Instagram can see their marriage isn’t plummeting.
Then you have the single people, like me. Who go about in life being carefree, confident with their singleness and loving every moment of not being in a relationship and then suddenly your bubble bursts and you come to a halt. You scroll through your timeline and news-feed and you realize that all your woman-empowered single girlfriends jumped off the singleness bandwagon and are mysteriously booed up already for this unnecessary special day, seriously? How the heck did that happen?
Normally I would say to hell with Valentine’s day and buy myself some chocolates and candies and remind myself how special I am and how I don’t need a man to do what I can do for myself, well guys… to hell with that too. So I pondered and thought of what are the best ways single people can celebrate Valentine’s Day without looking like a hater or allowing people to see the misery that is engulfed in their chest. Well, here are 10 things that will make your v-day special:
1. After you finish your daily workout plan, take a picture of your fantastic body and show all your friends in relationships what it’s like to be single and “in shape” and not in love and possibly overweight
2. The day after Valentine’s Day show your friends how much money you saved by switching to single
3. Tell your mom to stop buying you chocolates and a card. You’re not in fifth grade anymore!
4. Ladies: Get all those expired contact numbers out of your phone and put them to use, after you get a day’s worth of free food and drinks … to the left, to the left!
5. Consistently posts images on Instagram of your dinner, your outfit, the sunset and inspiring quotes so that people can see that you didn’t shoot yourself for being alone.
6. Avoid uploading pictures of your cat, or even talking about your cat. Actually, don’t even say the word cat. That’s why you’re single in the first place, so please don’t remind yourself.
7. Take yourself out to dinner; sit next to a couple who will ultimately be talking loud enough for you to hear and chime in on their conversation. Then start crying and ruin their mood.
8. The next time you hear someone complaining about being lonely on V-day, have a mental breakdown and remind them that people don’t have a dad on father’s day or a mom for mother’s day. Make them feel horrible and take their sob stories elsewhere.
9. Avoid listening to songs like “drunk in love, crazy in love or dangerously in love” or anything written by Beyoncé. Also, avoid listening to anything by Drake, people won’t be able to tell if you’re reminiscing about your ex or if you’re about to turn up.
10. And when all else fails and you decide to give in and jump on the desperate for a date bandwagon. Follow these rules:
This Valentine’s Day fun is inspired by Weekly Writing Challenge: My Funny Valentine?